Choices

The choices we make each day impact our future, UBER.

3 A.M. – I wake up to I little body slither quietly into my bed trying to be so quiet. Lying on my side, she settles in with her back to me. Her little head snuggled in using my arm as her pillow. Soon it was clear she was sleep – Mom- Not so much….

My mind took a trip to my childhood when I also quietly slipped into the crook of my Daddy’s arms, feeling very proud of myself that I was the one who won all my siblings to the very treasured spot. The ultimate sought after spot in our household.

Growing up, to most people my normal was “taboo” to the general population. Polygamy- This strange lifestyle choice, many can only try to imagine.

To me, this was the only life I knew. My Dad was one of very few converts in a very tight-knit group known as the FLDS. Soon after he joined, my Father was assigned to and through this “Prophet” appointed union, my father began to live what he felt was the right way.

Dad was many years older than my mother, his plural wife. My father was always there for his family. Some of my greatest memories were so simple. Quietly kneeling at his bedside he taught me how to pray and listen to my heart. This alone saved, not only my life but my children’s and their children’s children.

My father made a choice, believing it was right. Dad was not perfect, but he was perfect for me, making me the person I am today. The only sister of eleven boys, we lived a good childhood, as soon as we all acknowledge I am the boss.

My Father met three of my children before he passed, but every day I feel his presence. Now and then I feel him wipe away a tear. Sometimes I can almost feel his large hand pat my weary head “Everything will be okay, I have faith in you.” Or hear him bellow out, “putter their sis” pointing to his pokie cheek. Every day I miss my Dad I know he often wishes he could take away some of the burdens. Other times I think he forgets how much I need him.

Elmo John Carlisle is my father, that alone should give me the strength to “move mountains!” Some days it’s all I can barely make it over “the groundhog’s” mound of dirt. We keep on going because that’s just what we do. This Life is not a life for quitters!

Cutting through all the devastating loss and heartbreak- I have become a very strong, independent woman and mother of seven amazing children who bring so much to this world and make my life complete.

My choices today give my children a future.